the things that i aim for, want in these past years are mainly the right beliefs, the right reasonings, behavior and feelings.

a common mistake is when you want tho achieve these correct behavior and beliefs too badly that you become anxious when you realise you are not achieving them. the truth is that it is uncertain whether you can achieve them or not.

therefore, you must not pressure yourself to achieve them. the outcome, whether i will be calm or stuttering during the presentation, or whether i will be rude or not during the discussion of the conflict, is not totally within my control. do you recall the advice which says that to err is to be human so it is okay to make whatever kind of mistakes.

if you turn out to be anxious, unreasonable, depressed, low in confidence and guilty, which you constantly remind yourself that these things should be removed, you have to remember that i may fail to obtain these ideal charateristics. so it is okay to be guilty, and be depress, no matter how long it may become. i know the picture is getting contradicting but i am trying to sort it well too.

so with these negative emotions means that there will be emotional sufferings, apart from the physical sufferings which i have know quite well. so the word emotional suffering is the key idea.

basically, i am hoping to remove negative emotions too much that when i moves toward it, i become anxious or angry, whatever. let go of this want. you can want and aim to remove these negative emotions, but realize that occasionally you cannot do it and will plunge right into emotional states. in the midst of moving towards these negative states, do not resist, embrace it.

embracing negative emotions means to accept that you are getting paranoid or confused or embarrased and is a highly difficult state. how does one accept oncoming negative emotions? it seems impossible by definition. secondly, how do you exactly go about doing and feeling what you say above.

here is the chain of event i picture anyway. first, you tell yourself, i must not desire to get good grades. i can plan for it but i know that it is the outcome is uncertain. although you may have successfully remove the desire to get good grades, you naturally form the expectation to be calm no matter how the situation progress which gives more and more infomation about your grades.

this expectation of calmness becomes the potential to become a desire if you are not aware of it. so while you are telling yourself to be calm over and over again because you keep telling yourself that the grades is unceratin thing. you forget that achieving calmness is also a uncertain thing. you just simply may not achieve it.

you have told yourself not to desire for anything , even calmness in the past but how does one not desire when not desire is a desire in itself.

however, the above example highlights the how stress can occur even if you tell yourself the outcome is uncertain already.