marketing project and engineering product project

this week and next will be dealing witht the two projects mentioned above. my marketing project consists of one indian, and three girls, so i am the only chinese guy. anyway one of them is pretty, i like her but she was attached i found out.

my engineering project was all guys. god really wants me to become gay. he even sent lee ang to shoot the film to tell me indirectly. but hey, i still prefer girls.

of course i did not come here to write this things. i have gathered more evidence that ... wait...
ok here it is. there are two things. first i have to develop resistance towards outcomes of events. no desire, no emotion and no feeling. approaching the event, during and after it. but i do discover that when new things happen in you life, like teaching a new student, you are bound to be distracted and think about it for a while . the aim is to minimise this distraction process and focus on your orignial plan unless there are valid reasons, which seldom occurs.

second is the fear of interacting with people. like in project, i will push myself more because i fear that people may dislike me, or comment bad about me. i seriously do not know where i learn such beliefs. life is pretty crappy. make me form such lousy beliefs.

okay, the advice for this is this. listen carefully. in life, things can go awary. think about your leg beign crushed. your head being chopped and your life being taken. pain, torture, and trauma. you name it there is always a chance for them to happen to me. yes. me. intentionally, unintentionally, friends, strangers, or family who make it. animals or god. whatever, it is, all suffering is possible to befall on me. it is expected that they can happen you the right reaction is to be nonchalent towards them. accept casuality. just go and suffer.

but the things that are happening now and affectin me are small mediu things.you know. so the same solution applies. now matter how small the suffering. all the same just suffer the little bit and be calm. friends laugh and despise you. it ok. i told myself that i will never develop dislike towards aything, anybody and myself. dislike should not exist.

just be aware of my body and do not mixed things up. there you go a receipe for success. failing test has repercussion not big but still is. but still i must be calm about it. small things may snowball and lead to big things. usually, this is where i fear as things get worse my expectations did not change enough to accept the consequence of big things. thats all. just accept all things that happen be like water and flow around everything. please.