summary

okay. worst case scenario. longevity is not happening in my lifetime. so i will die. like six hundred billion people since our ancestors decide to stop climbing trees and walk on two foot.

this, i acknowledge, and will move on. it means that whatever happens, don't be afraid, because the final outcome is going to be the same, death for me. lottery still means death. handicap still means death. anything also means death at the end of the day.

death is a very important infomation that points what you should do with your life. first, don't earn too much money. earn just enough to die. second, don't waste my precious time feeling low and regretful over spilled milk like a failed exam. i will rather read a boring magazine because life is limited and i am not going to be a wimpy fellow.

in life, we have to be efficient. the world, particularly today's, is ever changing. therefore, we have to change at a variable freqeuncy so that it fits whatever siutation the world is at that moment. remember, everything is interconnected. to make sound decisions, we need infomation and experience, so we have to do a lot of general learning at the early part of our life.

as time passes, we adjust the frequency of information collection until we find that we have increased our frequency of playing. playing here is defined as a general term for anything your like to do. it is done, when you realize that you really do not have much problem to deal with and you cannot be preparing for adversity every minute. hence the freqency of learning will be lowered. it should be noted that learning can also be considered as playing in certain context.

if you get a very big change, like blindness, lost both legs, mute or hearing impaired permanently forever(assumption) that will involves very great change relative to situation like bankruptcy, post traumatic case or going into prison for two years. in latter case, you still are full limb although you may undergo some hard life in the prison or as war prisoners, whatever. but after the period, you are still in one piece. in former cases, you have lesser things to do and greater immobility in the smaller body. quantitively, you will have many things but relative to the past, it is still worst but you just have to understand that these kinds of things can happen, despite low probability. if it happens to me, it happens to me. no point wasting my limited life trying to figure how on earth did this happen to me when there is such low probability.

blindness. go to the blind association immendiately, or handicapped association and get a job. there are also many jobs that does not require legs or hands, trust me. percentage wise, your job prospects will drop, but quantity will, it will never reach zero. trust me for god sake. please note that my usage of the word god does not implies my belief of its existence. i am using it for fun. many jobs in the world, particulary today, involves primary knowledge and hence the brain. therefore, i will still be able to hold a job.

to deliberately worsen my case, i add one more disease to myself. brain disorder. so i suffer intense headache for most the time. okay, now i can give up the idea of working. your parents are going to waste money rearing me, the useless living thing or vegetable. hopefully the government will give some grants. well most family will feel resenful about me or feel sad for themselves why they are so unfortunate. well, it is not withing my control that i will be a burden to them. i probably will not commit suicide. if i want to, i must see the case. i guess the probability is low to kill myself. but we shall see.

if my family is handicapped, then i will support them. it is a bad thing to have extra expenditure onot on myself but there is no other choice. i cannot possibly murder people. if i have to take care of the expenditure, then i will do it. and once again, because my time on earth is limited as a full piece of meat, i shall not dwell on the unfortunate thing. infact, i will not view it as unfortunate. i will view it as what it is. i have to pay for the living expenses. just like death is inevitable. whatever that happens is also. lets just move on.

then one day, while i am walking along the dark alley, some idiot jumps from behind and kills me. end of story. because in death there is oblivion, i thus no need to think anymore which seems quite good, cause thinking is troublesome. of course i am joking. living is better than death until death is not scary at all. it bad to die no doubt. but it is not frightening. for god sake when i see people shaking in fear, i only see time being wasted to shake in fear over the issue of their death. waht they are doing is only wasting their precious limited lifetime.

many things in life is not within our control because we are mortal. read this, we are mortal. we are smarter than chimpanzees but we are not smart enough yet at least in this year 2005. we still have not ensure world peace, eliminate terrorism, kills dieases and viruses, prevent accidents and crimes. our mortal body has one zillion and one ways to die so we are not very powerful yet despite the easy access to pornography of almost everyone. and because the world is so engrossed in whether michael jackson is huilty or not, and so engross in the never ending newest handphones that has all the marvel of the world, i do not see human achieve good progess in the more important areas that will help to lengthen and protect our lives. all thanks to capitalism and human stupidity!

so if i recovered miraclously from the stabbing idiot, then i sit at home at ponder on my still living life. i ask myself, " who am i? what exaclty is the sense of self?" the sense of self is actually our senses attached to the physical body which you see at a first person view which happens to be you. if the person across the road is being hit by a falling flower pot on his head. he will feel the full force of the pain whereas you will not. why? because the person is the person and i is i. that is where our sense of self is derived. our senses all attached to this very body you see and hear from the first person view. our ideas and beliefs are contain in this very brain in which your body contains.

whenever, you want to help some other people, such an act is called selfless and kind. i shall not debate against this words and admit you are indeed loving peron. but i need you to look deeper and realize this. iyou help because you believe in helping. i do not want to talk about right or wrong now. the point is you are following your beliefs. so the driving force in everbody life is their beleifs.

beleifs ranges from unconcious to conscious. unconcious are usually those who we copy from others or are too lazy and not bothered to think about them. why? call it human stupidity loh.
we have to dig out all the beleifs and habits and question them one by one like criminals. they hold important infomation which will assist us in our life. to find them out, we first must increase our frqeuncey of self awareness. then we use our logic to testproof them and change to better beliefs. then our lives will be improved.

it takes time to correct our beliefs, anayltical skills, logical perspective, multiple perspective. initially, we will make many mistakes. for example, a young girl who has no experience of the real world, who has been taught the wrong things for the first two decades of her life and who have her parents feeding her with food and money all the time surely has no logical tools, multi perspectives, correct ideas and beliefs about life. therefore, be expected to make mistakes. be patient. there is nothing to rush. the key is to improve bit by bit. to focus on the process and not at a absolute point. anyway, you do remember that out of control thing like prison, death, and handicap can happen anytime.

infomation and knwoledge are primarily collected from internet and books. on these note, i shall end my speech