Saturday, February 25, 2006

working

what is working.
going to work. taking the bus. attending the meeting. what is meeting? it is people sharing their thoughts, leaders giving instruction and people remembering instructions.
as engineer, i will properly be reading electronic forms, factsheets, writing some quotes, doing some analysis report, communicating with upper and lower people, checking systems, computers, maintaineace, repair, cleaning, writing reports, incident reports. these things in itself are simple and harmlesss things.

things become stressful only when your mind becomes paranoidal. "oh no, i forgot to do the incident report, the boss is going to scold me in front of everyone" then you feel scared. when you feel scared, it is painful , it is a kind of discomfort in the body. this discomfort, confirms your fear, "i must finish the report by half an hour time", this half and hour target become your objective. so as you are rushing, you get anxious, you keep looking at the clock. as time passses, you anticipate real tiem whether you can finish it. if can, then you will feel relief, if cannot you start to feel anxious again. this become the focus for the next half an hour. relief, anxious, seeing teh clock and rushing the report.

the mind is so narrowminded that it does not realize that even if you do not finish the report, it is not a big deal. scolded by boss? not important or scary. a open mind person will use his half hour to do the report calmly and will not be bother by how much time he has left. being as a person is not easy.

study, work, family member's encounter

the above things do contain stress as we have so often heard through articles of the newspaper.
there is many stimulus present whihc makes us nervous, scared and sad.

however, these reactions are wrong. so we have to untrained them. study is like reading a story book in some sense. reading a book is seen as a pasttime, and to me, studying is also a form of pastime. though there are restrictions like you have to read a particular subject in studying, it still remains as a pastime. people cannot assoicate studying as a pastime because it has been associated with negative feelings that occur during exams, worrying of the grades, guilt of not studying hard.

if one is able to remove all these feelings about studies, you will see that studying is just the following, reading, thinking, practising, pressing the multimeter, inserting the capacitor and wires. these actions are not painful in itself. it is our desire to achieve something like finishing the chapter by today but did not do it that leads to frustration, and our mind starts arguing with itself.

therefore, we can see that it is the lack of knowledge or understanding of things, of over-expectation that causes problems. if you are not studying, grades will fall, so be it. falling grades should not induce any feelings in us.

if we are able to accept everything that is going to happen, and accept things that we did not expect, then life will be much smoother. studying is harmless activity. there are certain restriction in a student life but it will not kill you. as long as you don't feel pressurized about needing to score well or score above a minimum target, then you will have not feeling of fear or worry.

working is also the same, there is nothing scary about it. boss or colleague may scold you, backstab you and bully you into doing more work, but it is still not a hazardous or dangerous thing. it may mean doing more than others, spending more time working, which are not painful. only when the mind starts feeling unjustified that it creates anger which is very uncomfortable. hatred also comes in, which is another uncomfortable feeling. and what happens when you are uncomfortable, you feel pain. you start reacting to the pain and shoe it on your face, or shout it out or argue with people. then it sets of reaction of conflict, talking being people back and series of emotions.

all this happens due to the lack of knowledge of nature of emotion. it also happens because we have not learn how to remove emotions in us. yes, emotions can be tamed and removed and to do so, we have to learn and practise. schools, university, parents, leaders don't know much about it. therefore, teaching it is impossible.

there are sources present. it can be found in parts from different sources. buddhism, psychology, zen, self help infomation.

because of association, bad experience in studying and work, we begin to dislike them as a whole. but these bad experiences and feelings must be endured. we must not mixed up bad experience with other parts of studying life and working life. it is a natural tendency to mix them up so we have to make deliberate effort to separate them by being aware.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

i still have to study, gain knowledge and be more efficient even if i will still be a human being subjected to death and injury and disease.